pro-life | Embrace Grace Blog

It was September and I just found out that I was having a baby with my baby mama Jordyn.

The past few weeks we had become more distant than before. Our constant fighting and bickering towards each other was only becoming more irritating for the both of us. I kept thinking maybe time apart from each other would be better off in the long run. We decided it would be best to go our separate ways. The days were passing quickly and soon our time apart turned into weeks which turned into months …

I couldn’t help but feel lonely, lost, and just out of life. How was she doing? Is everything going okay with her and the baby? Are we ever going to get back together? I felt hopeless as the thoughts overtook every moment without her. Stress and anxiety were controlling my life and I needed a way out.

I didn’t know how to cope with all of these emotions so I turned the wrong direction and took the wrong path … I got caught up in drugs. My new reality was just to get high and then all my pains go away for a short period of time. And when that time would run out and I sobered up, I would just work on getting high again. This seemed like the life. I felt powerful like nothing else in this world … I was so wrong and deceived.

My friends and I spent all of our time doing this and thought it was the best life. We felt like nothing could stop us and we would do this forever because we kept thinking this was “the good life.”

I had been noticing a steady change with all my friends getting arrested for drug related crimes. Some reason I barely escaped ever being caught by the police. I thought that if I were to get arrested, then that would give me the strength to change the path my life was going. It was so pathetic – I just didn’t care. I began dealing drugs, but that didn’t last long. I just didn’t enjoy doing it and felt so unfulfilled with my life. There had to be something more to life … Was God trying to tell me something?

By March, 5 months had passed since Jordyn and I split up. I couldn’t stand being without her. She was truly my heart and soul and I just couldn’t go on without her. I just kept thinking about how she has my baby inside her and that she is my baby mama, and that meant so much to me.

Do I really want to keep living this life of the unknown, doing drugs and destroying my future and risk throwing everything good in my life away?

That question hit me one day and that was the moment I decided to make a change the path of my life. A veil was lifted and I could see the truth so much more clear.

Those people that I had been hanging out with were not my friends. I had a much more important person(s) in my life that I need to step up for and that meant the world to me. It was time for me to be the man I was meant to be and that I truly wanted to be.

We are God’s creation and sent to be on this earth for a reason that only He knows. Doing drugs with your “friends” is the devil trying to bring you down, I promise. Within a matter of moments I decided to ditch all my friends and live the life I wanted to live without their influence. I did not want them near, in, or around my life because they were the sorriest examples of friends I could have ever imagined.

I will never do drugs again.

I will stay sober.

I will be the best man I can be for my family.

That choice I made was one of the best decisions I have ever made. My life and future is now looking bright. It’s never too late to change your life. I prayed and got back up on my feet, lifted my hands to the heavens, and asked for God to show me the way. Fortunately, He led me straight back to my baby mama, Jordyn.

April came way too fast. Jordyn was about 8 months pregnant and I needed her back in my life. Now that I had gotten rid of all the bad influences it was time that I ask Jordyn for my forgiveness.

One day I called her and poured out on my heart. I asked her if we could push through our past problems because I was a changed man.

I am so blessed that she forgave me!

We began prayerfully considering options other than parenting because we were simply too young and not financially stable enough to care for our child. We wanted our child to have a more supportive home, where she would be provided with everything that she wants and needs.

We came to the difficult decision to place our baby for adoption. Not closed adoption like some couples choose, but an open adoption. We wanted to still be in our child’s life, loving on her, giving her birthday gifts, even while she is in the care of another family. We felt like this is what God was leading us to do.

We contacted an adoption agency called Chosen Heritage. We instantly knew they were the agency to use because they had the sweetest, most encouraging, and supportive leaders I had ever met in my entire life! We got the process going pretty quickly our baby was due in just one short month.

A few weeks into counseling with Chosen Heritage, Jordyn and I began looking through adoption profiles. This was so fun to say the least! We were looking through a bunch of different profiles when I came across a particular family that we felt a connection with instantly. The family just seemed like they were filled with so much happiness and joy. We both just knew that they were really the family our child to be raised by. As Jordyn read through their profile, the reaction on her face I’ll never forget. But let me tell you, nothing can describe the reaction on her face after she read through this beautiful profile. Tears began streaming down her face and we both just looked at each other and knew, even before we had met them.

God was speaking to both of our hearts and we were excited for our next season and for us to meet our baby girl Abby for the first time.

Written by Josh Malkosky

Tissue paper was flying as the birthday girl opened her gifts. She would pull each present out, inspect it quickly and then toss to the side because the gift bag always looked way more fun. Abby was the star of the party and every move she made, the family and close friends would watch in awe. We would all follow her around on her little trails she would decide to go on and giggle every time she did something cute (which was the entire time).

I think the entire party I was either laughing or crying. There was so much love for this baby you could just feel it. Even though Abby was only celebrating her first birthday, her life already has impacted many.

Most of you have read or heard the story of “Jayd.” She was a sweet girl that I had the honor to walk through a season of her being pregnant at 16 and made the brave decision of choosing adoption. (If you haven’t read it, I suggest you read here http://destinyinbloom.com/love-big/) She had baby Abby last May and her life changed forever.

I want to introduce you to the face and the real name behind “Jayd.” Her name is Jordyn and she is STILL my hero.

Jordyn decided that after 1 year, she was ready to reveal her true identity. Along with this reveal, Abby’s birth father and boyfriend Josh would like his story to be heard (watch for his blog post tomorrow). He has been there with Jordyn from the dedication ceremony, at every visit with Abby, to the 1^st birthday celebration. His life changed drastically this past year and he is excited to share his part of the journey.

Through this journey, Josh and Jordyn’s relationship has only strengthened. They have had each other to lean on in moments of mixed emotions. They both have grown closer to God and more confident in who they are. They are starting to see the impact on lives by sharing their story with others.

For Jordyn, this year has had its ups and downs of emotions. She gets to see Abby every other month and it is her favorite thing to look forward to. She still rests confidently in her decision to choose adoption, even on the hard days when her heart misses Abby so much. She just looks at her face and sees how happy she is with her adoptive family. She is being raised in such a great family and is loved by so many.

As I sat watching baby Abby opening her gifts while her adoptive mom, birth mom and birth dad sat next to her helping her, it just made me wonder that if girls that wanted to pursue an abortion knew that this could be an option, would they be more willing to save their baby’s life?

When a brave pregnant girl chooses adoption, there are usually 3 choices: open, semi-open or closed. But what if there is another choice?

The only story of adoption in the Bible was the story of baby Moses. His mom had to let him go so he could live. And even after letting her baby go, God still allowed her to have an integral role in her child’s life. Later in life, he knew who his birth mom was and loved her.

So what if there was another adoption option? An option that had more strategic visits and connections that strengthened the bond between birth mom and child? Sure there would need to be structure and rules made to enforce protection of adoption mom and this option isn’t for everyone … but I’ve seen firsthand how, with the right adoptive family and the right birth mom and dad, it could be a relationship that is life-changing for everyone.

We will post frequent updates on Josh and Jordyn and how their lives unfold. God has such great plans for the both of them. They want to be a light and voice for the unborn and to bring awareness to adoption.

Even when it’s not easy, the reward is great.