So many emotions screamed inside me. I was only 17 years old and she was 16. I had just been told by my girlfriend that we should be expecting a baby in 9 months. I could only think to myself that my life is over… no more freedom, no more fun adventures, no more future that I had planned. It is time to grow up, time to take responsibility for our actions. I kept thinking about how young I was though. I had so much more life to live. So many unaccomplished goals that seemed so distant now! Am I alone? Will anyone still accept me? Unfortunately, I knew I was alone. I had no one to turn to when I needed someone the most. Not my parents, not my brother, or my girlfriend’s parents that I usually went to for advice in the past. I just knew they would be pretty angry with me to say the least. I needed someone, something to rescue me.
Emotions continued to flow through me as I spiraled into a severe depression, as well as sky high levels of stress shredding my heart into pieces. I still had an important step I needed to take: telling my parents of my new “adventurous experience.” Maybe one I shouldn’t have been experiencing yet. How am I going to approach telling them that my life had just taken a dramatic twist? This seemed like hell from every point of view. My worst fear came true as I confronted them with the news. They blew everything out of proportion, basically threatening me that I would be living on the streets if I don’t put my unborn child down. I resisted and made my words heard. This child is my responsibility and I will protect and shield my baby to the best I know how.
I soon realized that my friends were no longer my friends. Many days were spent sitting alone on my bed, crying until I had no more tears. I was lost, confused, and heartbroken. Someone help me! Please God help me! That’s all I had strength to say. God help me. I guess this is how my life will be from now on … alone in the midst of my own mind.
It’s hard to imagine what my life would be like in the future. I always tried to figure it out but it was hard to grasp reality and how everything was changing so quickly. I had so many decisions that needed to be made, but not even a listening ear to comfort me. I was lost. No one person was pointing me in any kind of correct direction. I felt like I had no other choice but to take control of my own life the only way I knew how. I couldn’t handle all the stress and I began doing things that I shouldn’t. I experimented heavily with illegal substances. My life was spiraling into hell faster than I knew what was coming. My actions only led me to feel even more alone and more depressed. I felt like I had lost all control. I just kept thinking in the back of my mind, “Is this the way I should be living my life right now? Is this the answer?” I still wasn’t happy and felt unfulfilled.
It only took a little bit of searching to discover that God had always been there for me, even when I turned my back to Him. God surely sent me through this bumpy, crazy but irresistible ride called life. Our baby will be here in a few months and it is time to shape up and start being the man I should have been all along. We found out that Jordyn and I are having a baby girl, so it is time to start taking care of both of my girls.
God is Good, God is Love, God is Truth.
Written by Josh Malkosky