It was September and I just found out that I was having a baby with my baby mama Jordyn.
The past few weeks we had become more distant than before. Our constant fighting and bickering towards each other was only becoming more irritating for the both of us. I kept thinking maybe time apart from each other would be better off in the long run. We decided it would be best to go our separate ways. The days were passing quickly and soon our time apart turned into weeks which turned into months …
I couldn’t help but feel lonely, lost, and just out of life. How was she doing? Is everything going okay with her and the baby? Are we ever going to get back together? I felt hopeless as the thoughts overtook every moment without her. Stress and anxiety were controlling my life and I needed a way out.
I didn’t know how to cope with all of these emotions so I turned the wrong direction and took the wrong path … I got caught up in drugs. My new reality was just to get high and then all my pains go away for a short period of time. And when that time would run out and I sobered up, I would just work on getting high again. This seemed like the life. I felt powerful like nothing else in this world … I was so wrong and deceived.
My friends and I spent all of our time doing this and thought it was the best life. We felt like nothing could stop us and we would do this forever because we kept thinking this was “the good life.”
I had been noticing a steady change with all my friends getting arrested for drug related crimes. Some reason I barely escaped ever being caught by the police. I thought that if I were to get arrested, then that would give me the strength to change the path my life was going. It was so pathetic – I just didn’t care. I began dealing drugs, but that didn’t last long. I just didn’t enjoy doing it and felt so unfulfilled with my life. There had to be something more to life … Was God trying to tell me something?
By March, 5 months had passed since Jordyn and I split up. I couldn’t stand being without her. She was truly my heart and soul and I just couldn’t go on without her. I just kept thinking about how she has my baby inside her and that she is my baby mama, and that meant so much to me.
Do I really want to keep living this life of the unknown, doing drugs and destroying my future and risk throwing everything good in my life away?
That question hit me one day and that was the moment I decided to make a change the path of my life. A veil was lifted and I could see the truth so much more clear.
Those people that I had been hanging out with were not my friends. I had a much more important person(s) in my life that I need to step up for and that meant the world to me. It was time for me to be the man I was meant to be and that I truly wanted to be.
We are God’s creation and sent to be on this earth for a reason that only He knows. Doing drugs with your “friends” is the devil trying to bring you down, I promise. Within a matter of moments I decided to ditch all my friends and live the life I wanted to live without their influence. I did not want them near, in, or around my life because they were the sorriest examples of friends I could have ever imagined.
I will never do drugs again.
I will stay sober.
I will be the best man I can be for my family.
That choice I made was one of the best decisions I have ever made. My life and future is now looking bright. It’s never too late to change your life. I prayed and got back up on my feet, lifted my hands to the heavens, and asked for God to show me the way. Fortunately, He led me straight back to my baby mama, Jordyn.
April came way too fast. Jordyn was about 8 months pregnant and I needed her back in my life. Now that I had gotten rid of all the bad influences it was time that I ask Jordyn for my forgiveness.
One day I called her and poured out on my heart. I asked her if we could push through our past problems because I was a changed man.
I am so blessed that she forgave me!
We began prayerfully considering options other than parenting because we were simply too young and not financially stable enough to care for our child. We wanted our child to have a more supportive home, where she would be provided with everything that she wants and needs.
We came to the difficult decision to place our baby for adoption. Not closed adoption like some couples choose, but an open adoption. We wanted to still be in our child’s life, loving on her, giving her birthday gifts, even while she is in the care of another family. We felt like this is what God was leading us to do.
We contacted an adoption agency called Chosen Heritage. We instantly knew they were the agency to use because they had the sweetest, most encouraging, and supportive leaders I had ever met in my entire life! We got the process going pretty quickly our baby was due in just one short month.
A few weeks into counseling with Chosen Heritage, Jordyn and I began looking through adoption profiles. This was so fun to say the least! We were looking through a bunch of different profiles when I came across a particular family that we felt a connection with instantly. The family just seemed like they were filled with so much happiness and joy. We both just knew that they were really the family our child to be raised by. As Jordyn read through their profile, the reaction on her face I’ll never forget. But let me tell you, nothing can describe the reaction on her face after she read through this beautiful profile. Tears began streaming down her face and we both just looked at each other and knew, even before we had met them.
God was speaking to both of our hearts and we were excited for our next season and for us to meet our baby girl Abby for the first time.
Written by Josh Malkosky