perfect {LOVE}

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God Always! Always looks for the best, never looks back but keeps going to the end.”       {1 Corinthians 13:4}
For the past few months I was kind of in a funk. I was getting impatient and irritated with God for not bringing my Godly husband for me and my son. I finally just asked, “God, is there something unresolved in my heart keeping me from my Godly husband? Please show me…”
The answer I got was a clear YES.
I was confused and unsure what it could be. Around the same time, I began to have frequent dreams bringing back horrible memories I had with my sons’ father.  One morning I turned on the local Christian radio station looking for an answer. God speaks to me a lot through music and this song came on by Tenth Avenue North, I Feel Like I’ve Been Losin’
I can’t believe what she said
I can’t believe what he did
Oh, don’t they know it’s wrong
Don’t they know it’s wrong
Well maybe there’s something I missed
But how could they treat me like this
It’s wearing out my heart
The way they disregard
This is love or this is hate…
We all have a choice to make
Oh, Father wont You forgive them
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’ (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’
Well it’s only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that’s mine
Seventy times seven times
Cause Lord it doesn’t feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it’s not that much
When I think of what You’ve done.
This is love or this is hate…
We gotta a choice to make
Oh Father won’t You forgive them
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’ (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’
Why do we think that our hate’s gonna break a hard heart
We’re rippin arms over wars that don’t need to be fought
Cause pride wont let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but it’s just to burn them down
We think our pain is own apologies and get them to stop
Well truth be told it doesn’t matter if their sorry or not
Cause freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down
I immediately knew I had unforgiveness in my heart towards my sons’ father. I had repressed the pain and just tried to act like he didn’t exist. I tried to reason with God and looking back, this is silly but this was my response to him out of anger, “God he hurt me…he HURT me!! Isn’t this understandable? How could anyone ever truly get over what all he’s done to me.” 
For those that don’t know my situation, I was in an abusive and dangerous relationship that God delivered me and my precious baby boy from safely when he was only 4 weeks old.
What I heard God saying to me rocked my world. He said to me, “If you don’t forgive him, I can’t forgive you… Pray for him.” 
Really? Pray for him? That’s what’s going to fix me?
I decided to just trust God and began to pray for my sons’ father. Through that process, I couldn’t believe the change in my heart!  I felt so unburdened and just peaceful and free. I recommend it to anyone who is going through any unresolved unforgiveness. It really works! And I’ve since made a commitment to God to pray for him every day, morning and night. It’s not only to keep me from going back to feeling resentful but also, this guy needs Jesus and if it takes 30 years of prayer for his life and God to intersect, I will know I did what I felt like God wanted me to do which is to pray for your enemies and not to curse them because God loves him just as much as God loves me.
This is my daily prayer, “God I thank you for all you’ve done for me.  You’re a God who can do the impossible. I ask you for a miracle in (enter name’s) life. I pray that you will knock on the doors of his heart until he can’t ignore you any longer.  Change his life and heal his broken heart. In Jesus name, Amen.”
I realize now that there may be other things God wants to work on in me first, before he unites me with my Godly husband. I have peace with that now because I don’t want to bring baggage from a past relationship into another one recreating another unhealthy relationship. And I’m ok with it being just me and God for a while. I still have a lot to learn about perfect {LOVE}, 1 Corinthians 13:4, so I can not only HAVE an amazing husband, but I can BE an AMAZING wife!
Is there anything you are holding on to that God may be trying to resolve in your heart? Do you need to let go of hurt and pain so you can experience the ultimate LOVE that God wants for us to fully give and receive? 
Written by Kaitlin Wise

2 thoughts on “perfect {LOVE}

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this! I love that God showed you to pray for the person you need to forgive!! That’s so good. I will always remeber to do this now! Love your heart!!

  2. Perfect….you’ve got it nailed, Kaitlin. You are light years ahead of ninety-nine percent of the rest of the world, on the journey to your heart’s desires. Thank you for sharing the key to freedom that the Lord has given you. Good job! Grace, joy and peace to you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s