Seventeen is a young age. It’s a fun age. You get caught up with friends, lovers, and parties. Sometimes you drift away from family, friends, and even Jesus. Maybe sometimes you get closer to drugs, sex, and alcohol. You might see it as living young. You might see it as doing what a seventeen year old is “supposed” to do. You might see it as trying to fit in, be cool, get that boy that all the girls want. Senior year of high school is supposed to be the greatest year of your life. Although others may define “fun” different than I did at seventeen being a senior in high school.
My definition of fun was doing drugs, partying, hanging out, ignoring my family, not going to church, ditching class, and even sexual acts. Homecoming is a night all girls look forward to in high school. They get to be a princess for a night. They get to dress up, get their nails done, hair done, and of course have that perfect date. Of course I did all that, but I also wanted to find the perfect party to go to and the perfect boy for the night. I got what I wanted. EXACTLY what I wanted. He was mine for the night, not any of the other girls that wanted him… Just mine.
The fun continued after for about 3 more months … then my definition of fun completely changed.
I went to the doctor for birth control because my cycle was “acting funny.” My doctor walked in and said the words I never wanted to hear at seventeen. “You’re pregnant.” No. No. No! I wasn’t pregnant, I was having too much fun to be pregnant. This can’t be true. I mean, we only got together once…
She leaned me back to find a heartbeat, a heartbeat I was positive was not there. She heard it, I heard it, and my aunt heard it. Then the darkness took over. The weight of the world didn’t just fall down on my shoulders it got thrown at me and then felt like it shattered at my feet. Why would God do this to me? Why would God make me a mom? I felt like God was so stupid for doing this to me! What was he thinking? The walls came in around me. The feeling penetrated my stomach. I swallowed a lump in my throat and just kept asking God why over and over.
Nothing ever felt more real or more terrifying. My life was over in my eyes as I knew it. What I didn’t know is that it was a new beginning of something amazing …
A few months later I got invited to a group called Embrace Grace. I thought why would I want to go to a group of people who worship the ground the man I thought ruined my life? I, however, didn’t know that this group would also help change my life forever. I attended the class and met a woman named Amy, who is now someone I greatly look up to everyday of my life. I met many awesome women that were our leaders of the group.
I still wasn’t convinced of anything. It wasn’t fair most of them had great husbands to be with them and provide for them and their babies! What was God trying to show to me this time, except make me jealous? I didn’t have anyone to help take care of my baby!
As the weeks went on I heard their stories and I realized… They were no different than I was. They’ve all been through just as much as me. Actually, most of them even more than me. Through the hand and guidance of Christ they found their place in the world. God led them to happy places! He led them to believe that life can be great as long as you believe in Him and believe that He is FOR YOU and ME. I was finally convinced.
A few short weeks into class, I decided to ask God into my heart. I wanted to be a woman of God! I wanted to live my life for God. I realized God didn’t ruin my life … No one ruined my life. God planted a seed in my tummy and chose ME to be a mommy! He picked me out of all the girls in the whole world to be my daughter’s mommy. I didn’t need a daddy to raise my daughter, I just needed to put my trust in God and He would take care of me! He was our Father!
On June 23rd, 2011 I gave birth to God’s little miracle baby He gave to me. I never felt such love in my life. She wasn’t a mistake she was the best thing to ever happen to me. She was mine! All mine! God gave her to me. He couldn’t have picked someone better to be Adisynn’s mother. As I wrapped my arms around my newborn daughter, God wrapped His arms around us both. He held on tight and told me she was mine. He let me know I would never have to worry and to continue believing in Him and giving Him my love and He will return take care of us. He wasn’t going to let me get into any fights with the devil that He wouldn’t help me get out of! I knew then, that I made the right choice. I asked God into my heart… I chose life for my princess, my miracle, my little dream come true.
God has walked me through so many journeys in the short year my daughter has been with me. I started school to make a better life for me and my daughter, which I am almost done with. God laid out stepping stones for me and led me to walk on and through each of them to get where I am today. Every stone had a challenge or accomplishment on it. Some of the challenges I didn’t think I would be able to win. Some challenges that almost felt like war to get out of. No matter what though He held my hand and helped me conquer every challenge until I get to walk on to the next stepping stone. The stones will never end. I will forever be on a path, fighting and BEATING satan along the way. God, however will always be right there to keep my on the right path. Leading me in His footsteps. Be a father to me and my child. He filled my life with so many blessings and I know He has more in store for me! He always will fulfill my life with wonderful things. I will forever stay true to my Jesus, my Savior.
I will forever thank Him for my daughter. I will forever thank Him that I chose LIFE. I hope she grows up in the footsteps of Jesus.
Seventeen is a fun age, a young age. Although, I thought my seventeen was over and ruined. Although, I thought God was a big bad man… I was wrong. He gave me a beginning. He gave me a reason to breathe and wake up in the morning. He gave me a reason to pray. He gave me a reason for my purpose here! He gave me a NEW definition of fun.
Written by Brittany Sloan