But sometimes I think single moms have it easy …
Now I know what you’re probably thinking I’m crazy, I get it. But just think about it for a minute. I know you usually don’t have anyone to help you with midnight feedings and diaper changes. But most married couples don’t get up together because lets just face it, men like their sleep. Plus, when I was breast feeding, Brad obviously couldn’t offer help in that area although sometimes I wished he could have! There were very few times there were nights he would get up with Blakelee and let me sleep, something I know single mothers never get. I’m not trying to paint a picture saying that married life is harder. God designed 2 parents for a reason and for it’s tough for single moms to have to play both roles.
But this is where I think it gets easier for single mommas. First, when you decide to get married, everything of “yours” becomes “ours.” Money is a big adjustment. I’ve definitely struggled with it. I would think well its in MY bank account, its MINE to get Blakelee clothes, coffee, nails, food, etc. WRONG. As much as it’s mine, it’s Brad’s too. You have to talk together about EVERYTHING you want to purchase to make sure it’s in the budget. And most of the time, the answer is “no.”
Now for single mothers, you can spend it on whatever you want. It’s YOUR money. You don’t have to share.
Secondly, you have to share and work together on disciplining your kids. You have to decide how to do things when your child misbehaves or throws a fit or making plans for her future. This easily can turn into arguments if you don’t have the right attitude about it. Sometimes I think Brad’s being too hard on Blakelee, other times he thinks I’m being too hard on her. You just have to step back and find a happy medium.
Being a single mom, you make the rules and you don’t have to answer to anyone else. It also goes for general stuff, like that I held Blakelee during feeding, and then the way Brad would hold her. I didn’t like the way he did it, and he didn’t like the way I did it. It’s all little things I know but it’s just a bunch of little things that can cause big problems if your heart is not in the right place and mentality.
But being single, you can do everything the way you want to do it. I love my husband more than anything in the world! It’s a daily challenge to find your happy medium. I think a lot of people have this fairytale image of how married life is so easy from movies, and childhood stories. But if it was that simple, don’t you think everyone would have found it by now? And there would be a lot less divorce? It’s hard, its a whole different kind of hard. Times get really tough but I wouldn’t change it for the world, because God has chosen this amazing man for me. I just wanted to help you open your eyes to the bigger picture from a young married mom. It’s not always lovey dovey. There are tears and fights.
We get so desperate for our next phase or season in life and we want to hurry and just skip seasons … when there are blessings in every season. I was only a single mom for a very short time but looking back, there were blessings in that time. I had a hard time seeing it at the time. I just wanted to get married and settle down and hurry into the next phase of my life … but there were special moments in that season too. Just me and Blakelee.
Whatever season you are in, there are parts that aren’t great about it, so you have to just make a decision to be thankful for where you are and for all the things God has blessed you with. If you can’t find happiness in your season, then you can’t ever find happiness. Having joy is a choice and the closer you draw to God, the more smiles you have every day.
God has a perfect man for you that He is preparing and waiting for the perfect moment for you to meet. He is out there. Just enjoy your time as a single mom with just you and your baby because soon, everything changes and when God picks the perfect time for you and your soulmate to collide lives together.
Written by Brooke Wells