Complete in Him

womansaluteI always let God be in and out of my life, depending on what was happening … until I let Him have all of me, and He’s staying for good. I just want to scroll back to when I was in the 5th grade.  I was always picked on and teased for how I looked.  Ever since that year, I have been VERY self-conscious.

By the time I hit middle and high school, I was just a follower of whoever was leading around me.  I was naive about everything.

I listened and valued myself according to what everybody told me, especially the guys.

At one point in my life, they all of a sudden noticed me more and would say I was pretty.  I liked the way that made me feel and you know, one thing would lead to another. It was kind of a continuous cycle and it was supposed to make me feel better about myself but afterwards I just hated myself. How could I continue to do this to myself and totally disregard my future … and my heart. But it wasn’t easy breaking out of that cycle.

My 10th grade year, my family moved and I started a new school. I was the “new girl.” This was my chance to start over.  I mean BRAND new.  A clean slate. Nobody knew me. I was finally ok with myself. I usually kept to myself, I didn’t really want to be involved in any drama like before.

But you all know how that goes. I had good intentions but I got lured back.

I then met a boy who said all the right things. It only took having sex ONE time and after that ONE night, you all know, my life was about to change. Six weeks go by and I still haven’t had my monthly cycle.  I’m literally flipping out.  I go to the Alberstons down the street and get a pregnancy test, go to the bathroom, pee on it, and wait …. I tell you those “3” minutes felt like HOURS.  I glance down and you guessed it, 2 little faint lines popped up.  It feels like my heart stops and I just am totally in shock.  I just couldn’t believe this was really happening to me. PREGNANT.  It was ONE time. It didn’t mean anything. I was a junior. What about my future plans of being in the Air Force? I was only 17.  I couldn’t even cry. I just felt numb all over.

The next day, I was sitting in class and morning sickness hit me out of nowhere. I excused myself and told my teacher i needed to go to the bathroom.  I ran out and my teacher looked worried.

A couple hours later she finds me in the hall and asks if I’m okay.  I smiled not a very convincing smile and say yes.  She looks at me and says, “Are you SUUURE you’re ok?” She then looks me straight in my eyes and asks me those three words, “Are you pregnant?” My eyes begin to tear up, I looked down and I nodded my head yes.

I then felt her arms wrap around me and give me a big hug. She told me it would be okay and asked me to wait there in the hallway.  My teacher then calls for the mid life crisis counselor, and I talk with her about everything.  We both come to the conclusion that she’s going to tell my mom.

I was completely terrified. 

A couple days passed and I went to a pregnancy resource center, to confirm what I already knew. When I got back to school the next day, my school counselor called me into her office and said that it was time for her to call my mom now and tell her.  I was DREADING this moment!  But I knew I needed to get it over with.

She calls my mom and she comes up there.  I have no idea what might have been going through her mind … probably that I was in trouble. My counselor broke the news to her.  I looked over at my mom and she has tears in her eyes.  She leans over and hugs me.  I felt so much relief getting it out in the open and that she finally knew. Something about her knowing and hugging me made me feel like I was going to make it through this, and that everything was going to be okay.

I couldn’t even fathom how I would tell my dad and how he would react so I stayed with my sister that night and my mom told him alone.  I’m guessing it was taken better then expected because he didn’t blow my phone up.

That next night my dad calls me into the living room and wants ME to tell him.  I just couldn’t.  I was so disappointed in myself. I had let them down. I had let myself down. I just cried…  He then asks me what I was going to do.  He said I had 3 options. He asked, “Are you going to choose abortion?” I answered immediately, “No, never would think about it.” My parents wouldn’t even let me either.  He then said, “Ok you have two options, and me and your mother know what’s the best choice. You have plan A- Adoption or B- keep it.” I responded, “I don’t know what to do.” My dad said, “Your mother and I would hope you would keep the baby.”

Right then and there, I just felt like a thousand pounds were lifted off my shoulders. I felt a peace come over for the first time since I found out I was pregnant.  I know God was there speaking to me through my parents but I didn’t know it was Him until later in life. 

Everything seemed to get better with my emotions for a while except for when I would think about ME being a single mom. I didn’t know how I could do it.  How would I survive?  How would I be strong enough to do this? But then almost immediately I would feel that peace again.  I felt God was standing there holding my hand every step of the way.  He never once left my side.  

I always made it a priority to go to church, even when I felt out of place. My church had no other teen moms and then there was me, at church with my pregnant belly and no ring on my finger. But I still did it. It was important to me to learn and grow in my relationship with God.

On November 29, 2010 at 6:18pm, after 17 hours of labor and 2.5 hours of pushing, I had my beautiful 7lb 13oz baby girl, Raeleigh Ann.

When I finally got to hold my baby girl for the first time in my arms, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. She was so beautiful and perfect in every way.

My daughter is a gift from God. Without her I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I would give my life for this little girl. Her life inspires me to be a better person and to run after my dreams.

I started going to Gateway in 2011. I wish I had known about Embrace Grace when I was pregnant with Raleigh but have loved going to Embrace Love since I’ve had her.  I feel so much closer to God. He has shown me that there is so much more to life than what these boys have to say, or how these drugs make you feel. I feel complete in Him and I don’t need that fake stuff. I am so thankful for everything God has given me and for Him letting me wake up another day.

I thought after I had my daughter, my future and dreams were over.  Yes MY dreams were, but GOD’S were just starting. He had another alternate route for me that was way better than my original plan.  I thought I would graduate high school and go into the Air Force, but if that would have happened and if I had never had Raleigh, I would still be a mess. I needed to struggle a while for me to fully understand that I can’t make it without my Heavenly Father. He is a jealous God and He wanted ME, all of me.  But since summer of 2012, he put the NAVY heavy so heavy on my heart. I took my test, got the job I wanted and ever since I’ve been extremely happy.

God continues to show me, “If you follow me and trust me, I’ll make you happy.” He’s made my future so much brighter.  I’m finally going to be able to support my baby and give her a bright future – even as a single mom.

Even though you might not have a spouse to help, doesn’t mean you’re alone. God is there waiting for YOU!

Written by Taylor Roberts – she is leaving in 3 days for the NAVY. 

2 thoughts on “Complete in Him

  1. Taylor! Awesome testimony! I can relate to SOO much of it with mine…and then I get to your daughters name!! Mines name is Raelee Ann Wells! Wow! 🙂 Thanks for sharing! God bless you!

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