Joy in the Waiting

girlwaitingPerhaps one of the most amazing things about God is He allows us to taste promises. Not only the savory goodness of a promise in fulfillment, but even the ones that have yet to be fulfilled. “Taste and see that I am good.” He says to us in Psalms and I love what my Bible notes say, “this doesn’t mean check out God’s credentials, but it’s instead a warm invitation that says ‘try this, you’ll like it.’”

My husband and I just celebrated 8 years of marriage, and for more than half of that, we have been trying to start a family. My husband was in the army for 10 years, so when we first began trying, only to see nothing happening, we just assumed that maybe God wanted to wait until we were out of the military. Or maybe, He knew that we weren’t ready yet, or maybe my body wasn’t ready yet. But, the truth is we didn’t know why. My husband got out of the army in 2010 and life was wonderful this side of the military for about a year and a half. We both had great jobs and were definitely seeing a season of prosperity. Then in October of 2011, he lost his job. We were hopeful he would get another one soon, though.

Things began looking up in January of last year when we were surprised with a miraculous pregnancy! But on/around March 15th, 2012, that baby went from my body to Jesus’ arms. As you can imagine this tested every bit of everything we knew about our Lord and Savior. Oh but grace. I was just telling a couple of my girlfriends about the grace that found me when I needed it most. During my anger, hurt and heartbreak where I thought maybe I just didn’t know anything…I came to know Him better. We began doing the only thing we knew how, which was seek, worship and remain diligent. I always thought that when we finally had our baby and when Chris is finally blessed with a job- that will be such an amazing and encouraging testimony (and it absolutely will be). Seeing the other side helps you to keep going. But, honestly it’s the testimony of the in between that silences the powers of darkness, that advances the Kingdom of God and pierces people’s hearts. The unedited testimony. In the midst of adversity how His Word was completely tested and proven true, how He sustained you, how He strengthened you, “the deep wells of character” (as one preacher recently put it) built within you- this is what will bring hope in a hopeless world.

So during our season in the valley, by God’s grace, we have kept going. We now know what it’s like to not know each month how you’re going to pay all of your bills, but trust that Your Source will come through for you. The type of pregnancy I had was life threatening and called for an emergency surgery to save my life. I had to stay in the hospital for nearly a week and was put on a 5 week bed rest recovery. I was wheeled out of the hospital in the “new moms” line and Chris picked me up in the “new dads” car lane. I had new scars, limited mobility and no baby in my arms. After having waited so long, I just didn’t understand the point of this. I was very angry, but My Jesus picked me up before I hit the ground and nursed me back to health.

Grace I’ve never experienced before.

You may have experienced similar disappointments, and to you I want to say keep going. He is so proud of you and He loves you so much. He sees you and He is filthy rich with love, grace and provision for you. He made plans for you at the foundation of the earth that are to prosper you. Plans for your good and His glory. We don’t understand many things, but His ways are higher than ours and if you allow yourself to trust Him, He will surround you with the sweet aroma of His grace.

Chris and I had meals brought to us for months, were blessed with enough groceries and non-perishables to last us a year, and more words of prayer, affirmation, encouragement and prophecy than I can count. We were approved for medical insurance just a few days before my unexpected hospital stint and it took care of ALL of our hospital bills. The initial surgery itself which was around $3k, we had to pay for out of pocket and 4 months later the hospital reimbursed us for the entire amount due to an “error”, but God is incapable of errors. Other doctor’s bills and appointments we had before the loss of the baby, we also paid out of pocket, only to have enough surprise love offerings to more than pay us back for it. But undisputedly the greatest thing that God has done for us, is place an abiding hope within us about the future. We can literally taste it. We know that He will make a way where there is no way. We just can’t stop talking about His goodness. He is good and for us in all seasons and He will hold us together in the middle.

Much like David, who knew God appointed him to be king, but during the in between: faced disappointment, was nearly killed three times for no reason, had to trust God for provision and faced battle after battle with enemies. He saw challenging times, knowing full well that God had given him a promise. But had he not experienced those things, he would not have been the type of king God created him to be. When his people were enduring tough circumstances, and would then come to him for instruction he might have said “um…(cough), well, let’s hope that God comes through for us.” No, instead he was the type of king that said “God is for us! He was with me when I was a shepherd boy, He was with me when I slayed Goliath, He was with me in battle, He provided for me when I was all alone,  He’s forgiven me of the unspeakable, He is faithful!” That’s the type of leader God wants in His kingdom. One that knows Him intimately. Adversity presents opportunities for us that no other season can offer.

Recently I have taken time to stop and just look around. There was a time when it hurt to hear about my friends having babies. It hurt to see people prospering when I knew my faithful husband has been in such a tough season of waiting. But, now, I truly get excited about people having babies. They are a testimony of His miraculous power in motion. I want to be a part of the celebration. I get excited to see other people’s lives prospering, knowing that My Jesus did that.

The reason? Because He’s the same.

He has changed my heart to see as He sees and He will do those things for us in due time. There’s no better way to push back the enemy than to celebrate and rejoice in those very things that used to keep you in bondage. The only way I can do these things, is giving each part of my aching heart to Him. He doesn’t return it back to me the way it was before, but instead replaces each piece with shiny new truth, revelation and power. It’s better, stronger and wiser than before. Knowing He sees me and loves me and wants to give me the very desires He authored.

I’m so grateful that My Father loves me enough to walk with me through trials and to allow adversity to grow me in Him. I have a testimony that no one can dispute, I have a love for people that is derived from His love for me and I have no doubt that His promises for us on this earth will be fulfilled at the proper time. Perhaps you are waiting for your soul mate, your career to start or your dreams to come true, but in the waiting, I can smell it, I can taste it and He is good.

Written by Kyndl Bickers

2 thoughts on “Joy in the Waiting

  1. Than you Kyndl for sharing your heart! The Lord is doing a mighty thing in you and through you! I am truly blessed to know you and call you my friend! May The Lord continue to bless you and your wonderful family!

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