You know whenever you are going through hell and you get comments like, “It will be worth it” “There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel” and “This will only make you stronger” ? Sometimes, all you want to say is, “SHUT UP.” Thankfully, I am a positive person and during hard times, I tell myself those things anyways. In my heart, I know Jesus wins every battle. HOWEVER, there are STILL times whenever we are just struggling and encouragement is the last thing that will encourage us. Sometimes, all we really need is time, renewal of strength, a shift in seasons, etcetera. (Please note: The encouragement I have received and will receive from the people around me is incredibly irreplaceable and undefinably essential.)
Over a course of one year, it seems as though I have felt every hard emotion there is to feel. I am sure you will relate to at least one.
Unforgiveness, bitterness, confusion, disdain, regret, ungratefulness, hopelessness, fear, anger, purposelessness, sadness, awkwardness, lifelessness are all emotions I have felt in the past year. These things are POISONOUS to our life. In those moments of despair, we wonder, “why now,” “why me,” “how,” “what if” and we are left answerless. This is the most dangerous place in excruciating times, because we either start answering all of the questions on our own or we choose to be okay with unanswered questions, and so we keep trucking, and trust that God is moving us to deeper places because “some way, somehow, it will all be for the better.”
Here I am, up too late on a Saturday night, touching the morning hours of Sunday… and my spirit feels at rest. Hallelujah and amen. There is no ache in my stomach. There is no distaste towards tomorrow. I am not saying that during “hard times” every day is a bad day, but I am talking about the really really really bad days, where hope is just a word and drowning is reality. These days are not coincidence. Friend, these days are not in vain. Satan wants our bad days to be the days that determine us. It is the “bad” days that will mold us, but it is what we learn from the bad days that makes our life so much richer.
I feel like I have crossed oceans, canyons and valleys to reach this place. In fact, the enemy is still trying to shoot flaming arrows at me, but the rest in my soul is unimaginable.
God did it. He brought me through. And He will do the same for you.
Written by Ashtyn Carrigan