Broken, Vulnerable, Restored

shutterstock_143606668I remember lying in that hospital bed, all by myself. My eyes were full of tears and my mind full of Satan. The father of my daughter grabbed my arms and pushed me, belly first, into his truck. Told me he didn’t want me anymore. Told me he didn’t want his daughter anymore. How was I supposed to raise a baby on my own? I knew that abortion wasn’t an option, but suicide was. If I just ended my life, all the pain and struggle would be gone. That night, while I was still at the hospital, Amy posted a status asking for people to pray for me. For me! People I didn’t even know were praying for me. A friend from high school sent me a screen shot of Amy’s status and asked if Amy could text me. I got a message from one of the most inspirational women I know. She told me that there were more options for girls like me! I could have my baby and raise her. She invited me to EG for the summer. I walked into Gateway, not knowing a single person. I was pregnant and scared. Amy welcomed me with open arms! That night Jackie spoke and told her story. I cried the whole way home. Shortly after the semester started my Joy was born! Her dad has yet to meet her, and I’m okay with that.

We had a night called “Chains night.” That night was one of the more emotional ones for me. I let go of Joy’s dad and all the hurt he has caused me. I forgave him for not only abandoning me, but his daughter as well. I know I couldn’t do that without EG or the grace of God. Embrace grace taught me that you can NEVER mess up so bad that God gives up on you! He never gives up on you. He never gave up on me!
The baby shower was another night where Joy and I were amazingly blessed! Michelle gave us many material gifts, but she also has been praying and gave me hope to be a good mom.

I finally have real friends! Friends that not only care about me, but understand! God knew what he was doing when he placed my particular group together. Most of the girls in my group went through their pregnancies without the fathers and we really connected on that level. I also met my best friend through EG! Being a mom without the dad is hard, but it would be near impossible without my friends, Embrace Grace, or wonderful leaders!

When I think of Embrace Grace the words broken and vulnerable come to mind. Both are good things! God had to bring me to a completely broken place to be built back up and brought back to Him. I had to be vulnerable to allow it! I am a mom of a beautiful 8 week old baby girl, she is my Joy. I fell in love not only with her through my pregnancy, but I fell in love with my Savior all over again! EG gave me the stepping-stones to get there. I am His, Joy is His. We are loved by so many women who have Christ shining through each of them!

Written by Bekah Saunders, EG Semester #11 

2 thoughts on “Broken, Vulnerable, Restored

  1. Thank you for this beautiful testimony!! Loved reading it and loved you love Chains Night!! Thanks for sharing your heart Big hugs!

  2. Bekah, thanks for being so vulnerable. When we are humble, real and our true selves, it shows others that God really does love us just way we are. We don’t have to “clean up” for Him, but will want once we know Him and have Him living in us. I love you and that sweet baby girl!

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