God knows…

shutterstock_92746549Growing up a Christian, I tried in my own strength to figure it all out and to live my life in purity, but our own strength is never enough AND we just won’t EVER be able to figure it all out, but God knows!

I was not what you’d call a young single mom.  I was due to have my baby for my 30th birthday.  My son’s father would first suggest I “just have an abortion.”  After all, we barely knew each other.  But this was never an option in my mind.   There was something inside me that had the faith to believe that even though I had been living less than holy, my God would NOT leave me or forsake me.

I knew I couldn’t stay with my baby’s father as his lifestyle was leaning away from Jesus.  From the instant I found out of I was pregnant, I was drawn to lean in to Jesus.  I was scared, but again, that faith rose up in me to step out with God by my side and raise this precious boy on my own.

Our season of being a family of two was so sweet and full of precious memories.  I had finally surrendered my heart and life to Jesus and learned to lean on His word and strength in living a life of purity as I raised this little man God gave me.

For years though, in the back of my mind, I would wrestle with the worry that I might not be enough to raise up my son into a Godly man.  What do I know about man stuff?  But God knows.  He provided in so many ways with family and friends who took us under their wing and helped to blossom my son’s love of all things mechanical and all things dirt!  But I still would long and desire for a man in the flesh who would love us as his own and make our little family of two a fuller number.

I dreamed of having another baby, but as the years would go by and I began to approach 40, my faith began to fizzle.  In my plans, by age 40, I figured I was done.  I was happy God had given me my son.  I knew I was blessed and would continue to worship my God in all He had done in our lives.  There were still times I would try to figure it all out.  Sometimes, I just didn’t understand.  But in looking back, I can see that God knew.  He had a perfect plan all along.  It was NOT what I had planned at all.  I NEVER thought I’d be a single mom.  And I NEVER thought I’d be a single mom for 10 years!

I have learned to lean on God and trust in His timing and His plans.  It’s not always easy and it won’t always make sense, but I am finally learning, it IS always BEST!  As His word says, “For I know the plans I have for you,  declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  Jeremiah 29:11.  He REALLY does know what you need, what you desire and what is best for you.  And when we release our strength and power to drive our own lives and understand it all and turn it over to him, he can and will provide in blessings and in peace beyond our understanding.

At 40 years old, God would bring me the gift of a man that He had picked out for my son and I.   And like the cherry on top, at almost 42 years old, God would surprise me and I would have another baby, this time a little girl.

God knows.  Trust Him.  He WILL take care of you.  He WILL give you the desires of your heart.  It may not be the way you planned and it may not be in your timing, but He will see you through.  He will NOT leave you or forsake you.  He knows!

Written by Lisa Ort-Terry

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