During around the tenth time of me putting my 2-year-old son’s jacket back on after he continued to take it off in this Florida freeze, I swatted his hand away from the zipper so that I could zip his hoodie up. Again. For the tenth time. He continued trying to zip it up, regardless that he doesn’t quite have all the dexterity to do so yet. What flew out of my mouth next, really caught me and made me think. I said to him, “If you would just stop touching it, I could fix it for you.” WHAM! How many times does our Heavenly Father think this, or even say this to us?
I tend to be a perfectionist and can lose my sanity over a project if it isn’t done “just right”. It’s a blessing and a curse at times, and something that I’m slowly trying to learn how to let go of. My best doesn’t have to be perfect. There. I said it. During this whole time of learning to let go, I have realized that nothing I have is perfect. Anyone with small children (particularly boys) can probably relate to things being destroyed. Lately, it has seemed that just about anything and everything I have has had some sort of destruction done to it. While it’s quite frustrating, I believe a lot of it has to do with the whole perfectionist thing being ripped away, almost literally.
All the Father truly wants from us is a clean and pure heart, not perfection. I think we tend to put these pressures on ourselves as a way to place a value on our worth, whether it’s how we see ourselves or how we want others to see us. The more I’ve tried to have things be “perfect”, the more they become messed up – at least according to my personal standards.
Am I saying we all should get rid of all that we have and wear rags? No. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with having nice things. For me, it is understanding that nothing I have, or how well I complete a project, actually determine my worth. As a parent, I am able to daily parallel interactions with my children with how the Father can interact with me. It is usually the simplest of things that will open up a deeper understanding and teach me a lesson. This time it was zipping up my toddler’s jacket. I’m thankful that my Father has even more grace for me when I continue to try to do things my way even though I don’t have the ability quite yet. I want to be broken enough that my wants are not above His for me.
Written by Janell Stultz, leader of Embrace Grace, Deland, FL