I never expected to be a parent at this point in my life. I was career driven with a degree under my belt, and was working my way to the top of whichever path I chose. God, however, had a different plan.
When I found myself completely alone and pregnant, I didn’t know where to turn. I didn’t know what to do. I had never believed abortion was the “right thing to do,” but I had never been faced with the decision. I had pressure from the biological father to “just get rid of it.” That would make sense, right? Seeing as he had a baby on the way already. Something within me said no. Something inside said to not give in.
I have never, and I mean NEVER prayed so hard in my life.
Everywhere and anyone I turned to, could not or would not help me. I lost close friends, and couldn’t yet tell my family. I was uninsured, single, hormonal, alone, and very..oh so very..PREGNANT. It seemed the more I looked, the more abortion became my only option. I prayed, “God I don’t think abortion is right, but what are my options!? I don’t know how to do this!” Screaming on my knees at times, asking, begging for an answer, I was hoping for a sign and a decision I could live with. On the fence with tears streaming down my face I cried for a sign, “God give me something! Tell me what to do!! Give me writing on the wall, anything, please!!” You know what? God gave me a billboard. YEAH, a billboard.
I called Real Choices and was relieved to hear they would see me. I remember crying there too; I cried the entire time, pouring out my heart. I was still considering abortion.
A woman was interning there and it was by divine intervention. With head in my hands she leaned in and with the most sincerity said, “You are so STRONG, and you CAN do this. God has a plan for you, and will help you.” She asked to stay in contact with me, and referred me to a support group “Embrace Grace.” She also prayed for me, again, and to this day those words changed my life.
I went on to get my first ultrasound. I was about six weeks pregnant. The technician asked if I wanted to hear the heart beat. Heart beat? Already?? It has a heart beat? Yes. Yes I do…
I bawled. Love rushed over me and I knew from that moment I would have that child and do my very best. I CAN do this. Her words replayed in my head, and I couldn’t stop crying. This was my answer. This was God speaking to me. This was my writing on the wall.
Even now I find myself asking God, “How am I supposed to do this?!” Being a parent is hard. Being a parent is very hard, alone. Most days I don’t feel like I’ve done a good job and pray I can give more tomorrow. I question why I’m doing this by myself, and wonder if I’m enough. I pray for a husband, and ask God “Why haven’t you sent him yet? Why am I alone?” Because even before I had Grayson, GOD MADE ME STRONGER. God knew the storm I was about to endure. He knew I would face adversities, so HE MADE ME STRONGER. He knew I would have to fall into Him to save myself and my child. He knew I would feel all alone; GOD MADE ME STRONGER.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
So I continue on this journey. When I feel abandoned, I know I am never alone; He is with me. He gives me comfort, and has given me great joy. God has surrounded me with a network of prayer warriors, and has provided every time I fall short. Even in my weakest moments, GOD MADE ME STRONGER.
written by Sarah Young, Embrace Grace Southlake bloom