Hope When There Was None

shutterstock_115457149A year ago today was the day Ryan and I found out we had a precious blessing on its way! Evelynn has been such a joy in our lives and in the lives of everyone around us. I am one proud mommy of a gorgeous little girl and I would NOT have it any other way. If I was given the choice I’d redo everything over and over again and not change a thing. Evelynn was my angel, she saved my life and not many people know that. Before finding out I was pregnant, I was at the roughest and lowest point in my life. I was depressed and sad basically 24/7, I didn’t know how to deal with what I was going through. I had gotten so bad that I gave up hope on not only on myself but life, I was ready to leave this world. I actually had planned out how, where and when I was going to do it. A Friday night when no one would be home due to plans for the weekend or work, I was going to overdose on pills that would quietly and painlessly make me fall into an eternal sleep. I honestly didn’t care or think about anyone else, I just knew I was done. I was tired and my soul felt heavy. No one knew though, not even my mother or my boyfriend. I was so good at “playing it off” that no one could catch how bad I had fallen into this vast ocean of depression. I didn’t believe very much in God at the time, I didn’t believe he was there for me. Until Thursday April 18, 2013, I was working at AMC theaters with my boyfriend when he had asked me if I had gotten my period that month ( let me just say I never kept track of dates – I absolutely hated periods!). Ironically the last month I had actually put it down on my phone and sure enough I was a week late (which I never had been before). After work that night we went to Wal-Mart to go get a pregnancy test, and as we parted ways to go to our own homes I took a test. At first I didn’t believe I was actually pregnant, I thought the test was defective or something because there was a second line but it was so faint! Until all three tests became the same, I knew at that point I was pregnant. I cried and mourned about how my life was over,etc. but then I realized, why did I even care about that? I was trying to end my life and ironically I find out I’m pregnant the day before? Couldn’t have been a coincidence. At first I was embarrassed of my pregnancy, I was a teen mom and a Mexican teen mom at that so didn’t really help with the statistics and stereotypes out there. Luckily my mom found out about Embrace Grace in our church, Gateway Church. I wasn’t having anything about God at the time and it actually took me a few months to reply to the group email my mom sent Kathleen but I finally did and agreed to attend this group. If only I had known how blessed and majorly changed my life would be!! They helped me follow the path to God, they showed me how to break free of my chains of anger, sorrow, depression and hatred! EG showed me that the little baby inside me was not an abomination or a sin, but a major blessing! I don’t think people realize how much negativity young moms hear daily, EG lifts us up! They are there for us and support us every step of the way while the rest of the world looks down upon us and judges us. EG prepared me for motherhood and help me get started. I was blessed to have met all my leaders and fellow EG sisters! I realized by the end of the semester God saved me, he planted the biggest blessing he could ever give me in my womb.SusyEg

I changed my view on life because of Evelynn, she gave me strength and a reason to keep moving forward! She was and is my angel – because of her I became closer to God, I had rekindled my relationship with God! She changed my life for the better and I can never thank her or God enough. If it wasn’t for either one I would not be here now telling you this. I absolutely adore and love and cherish my little Evelynn! I couldn’t image life without her! So today is a celebration for me, that’s it’s been a year since I found out about my pregnancy.

Written by Susy – EG Alumni 

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