Just like most young, single women, I was terrified when I found out that I was pregnant.
Not because I have never experienced that before. I have two little girls with my ex husband. I was nineteen when I got pregnant with my first, but it still wasn’t as scary as when I was pregnant with Jeremiah. It was different. With the first two I was in a relationship with the father … with Jeremiah, I was not. A lot of things scared me about having another baby. I didn’t have a job. I was living at home with my parents. Jeremiah’s father wanted nothing to do with us. I already had two children. It was a challenge making ends meet with just us three, I couldn’t imagine adding a fourth. I was nervous about telling my dad because I knew he would be very disappointed in me and I was afraid that he might be so angry that he might kick us out. Fortunately that was not the case.
I felt so lost and out of control. I had always been against abortion, no matter what…but I’m not going to lie, it crossed my mind.
For a couple months, I researched it and talked to Planned Parenthood. It weighed heavy on my mind. I have never told anyone, until now, that I had thought about having an abortion. I am ashamed to admit it, that I had selflessly brought two other children in this world, and here I was contemplating denying this child, my child, the right to live.
I didn’t completely dismiss the idea of abortion until I finally spoke with Jeremiah’s dad when I was about three months pregnant. He just talked about Jeremiah like he was just an object and it made me so angry. Then I realized, I was doing the same thing. His life wasn’t an object to just throw away out of inconvenience. That’s when I decided his life was priceless. He was precious and deserved to live.
Since the reason I thought about abortion was because I didn’t think I could properly take care of another child, I discussed with my dad and step mom about adopting him. My step mom cannot have children of her own. They have raised my nephew since he was a baby, and he is now ten and I knew that she would like to have another baby to raise and they were the only two people in the world that would entrust something so precious to me. We decided to pray about it and that if God was in it, everyone would have peace about it and we would take the proper steps toward the adoption process.
When I was four and a half months pregnant, it just became more and more clear that I was supposed to raise Jeremiah. God was making that very clear to me. He was mine and he was going to get all my love, just like my other children, Natalie and Miley. Once I accepted my new life and that I am now a mom of 3, my heart began to change and I was feeling happy again.
Yes, it is still tough. I barely get any sleep at night, I want to rip my hair out sometimes, but it’s all worth it. Nothing in the world can top the feeling you get when you watch your kids sleep, or when they run to you and hug you, or they smile at you, or especially when they tell you the love you. All the little moments far out weigh the difficulties and obstacles I have to face. I am so thankful that God chose me out of all the women in the world, to raise these three beautiful children. He entrusted me with them and I am going to be the best mom that I know how to be.
My name is Lauren Collins and I chose life!