I am a mother of three children. I am married but my husband is in prison. I got pregnant with my first child when I was 18. I was in love with my son but I was in no position to provide for him. Then I got pregnant with my second – same father although he and I did not see eye to eye and for the first time I considered abortion. I didn’t go through with it and God reminds me why it was the right decision to keep her every day. My daughter is the light of my life.
I was met with some extremely difficult obstacles over the next few years. I became a serious addict. I was born with a spinal disease and had been on opiates from the age of twelve but at twenty-one I became a slave to the pills and began on a road of pain and terror. Thankfully I didn’t lose my kids. I was definitely in a war against myself because I knew the mom I should be and the mom I was and I hated myself.
My children’s father left us and moved to Texas. He had nothing to do with us during the hardest part of my life, but I kept on and I met the man who is now my husband. I got pregnant with my third child and again I didn’t think I could handle it. I thought “three kids I can’t take care of? No way! I’m already fighting an addiction with two and I can’t mentally handle this.” Once again I chose to have my baby and thank God every day because she is so amazing.
My husband was sent to prison when our daughter was eight months old. I am raising all three on my own with NO help. It is the hardest thing I have ever done ….up until I got clean. I began going to meetings and I gave my life over to God. My husband and I decided our marriage and our family would grow the way we wanted it to if it were more Christ centered. It has turned out to be the best decision we could have made. The point of this story is that through the depths of hell, even though I thought I could never be any kind of mother to these three gorgeous beauties, I was…a great mother! God gives you children for a reason, they may not be clear at first, but someday you will see, they save you when nothing else can. It’s very hard but I raise my babies on my own and I wouldn’t have it any other way. They will always know who their Mama is.
Written by Amanda Hupp