Back in late June, I was honored to write an article for “Embrace Grace” called “Joy in the Waiting”. In it I shared the ways that God had strengthened, renewed, restored and shown Himself faithful during a season of miscarriage and unemployment. The week it was posted to the blog, my husband and I faced our toughest challenge yet. Showing symptoms of jaundice, my husband went to the doctor to discover that he was walking around with a deadly form of hepatitis. Our last outing was on July 4th and then he was admitted to the hospital, where he remained for most of the summer. I remember sitting in the waiting area of the VA Hospital emergency room. Fleshly feelings of “what now, God? I can’t do this right now,” would try to creep in, but I had been previously strengthened and trained in the battle of faith. My friends sent me encouraging words and prayers over text and one friend specifically prayed, “God, give Kyndl a Word for her family right now.” I was sitting there, holding Chris’s overnight bag, listening to frustrated patients that spouted out hopelessness in their words. I watched a man being wheeled in, appearing lifeless in the midst of a diabetic coma. Everything around me felt chaotic that day, but it was like God literally pierced through the darkness and took my face in His hands. He spoke one simple word… “victory”. I held onto this word through this entire fight.
You see when we are in the midst of turmoil, trials and adversity, it can sometimes feel as though the storm isn’t going to let up any time soon. But, if you think about the birds singing before they even see the dawn; it’s because they sense it. They know that their Creator has designed the dawn to always arrive, they don’t even question it. This is how I felt through our very difficult season. I felt something rise within me that day. There wasn’t room for doubt, there wasn’t room for lies, because I knew God was with us.
We received his diagnosis of liver disease. The doctor did not have the type of bedside manner that a wife would hope for, but she was apparently one of the “best” in our city. She didn’t offer much hope. She gave him about a 20% chance of leaving the hospital. I had to take a stand in that very moment of what I was going to do. Was I going to be a prisoner of hope or a prisoner of fear? We began taking authority over the entire situation. I rebuked everything that wasn’t from the Lord and took every piece of information the doctors would give us straight to Him. Essentially, there wasn’t much treatment they could offer until his liver started to regenerate on its own. You see, all of the toxins that weren’t being excreted through the liver, were just remaining in his body and the fear was that they would go to his brain which wasn’t reversible. They were also concerned of his levels worsening at a rapid rate to put him at complete liver failure. But, I took all of this “not so great information” to my prayer warriors and family and used it as a battle plan. I knew exactly what to pray, what a blessing! But, it’s what happened after his first week or so in the hospital, where the Lord brought complete breakthrough. I had been going to the hospital every day, but finally my husband and I agreed I needed a day of rest, so I didn’t go one particular Sunday. It was that day that I got the report that his numbers were worsening which furthered his mortality rate.
I recalled the lyrics to “Oceans” by Hillsong United where it says “My feet may fail and fear surrounds me…”. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I knew the Lord was calling me into deeper waters than I had ever been, but I have never been so scared in my life. I began looking around at all of our pictures and all of Chris’s things left untouched for days and fear came in. I had not even once contemplated the thought of him actually not coming home. I didn’t understand what was happening. I was so anxious, I couldn’t sit. I prayed with friends, but the fear was still there. Finally, I just surrendered…and then a shift happened in my heart. The next part of that lyric says “You’ve never failed and You won’t start now.” I began just worshipping my Father. The One that was going before me. The One that was in control. The One that was right there in that hospital room and the One that I knew had the upper hand. He put two songs specifically on my heart to sing and my circumstance suddenly didn’t matter, all that mattered was My Jesus. He then led me to the Scripture: Psalm 18. I began declaring this Scripture over my home, over my family, over our future children and over Chris. I began speaking all sorts of Scriptures over him, when I felt the Lord say “Go, girl!” and I let the enemy have it. I had just re-listened to a message from Charlotte Gambill about “owning your zone”. In it, she reminds us that we have a job to do and it doesn’t involve passivity or complacency, we have to stop things from coming into our zone that are unnecessary. I remember her specifically saying “It doesn’t mean that bad things won’t happen, but when they do, you’ll say to the enemy ‘are you sure you want to come here?!”
I then heard myself declare: “Spirit of Fear, Disaster and Sickness, you can leave right now! You have no authority here! You have no power here! We know who we belong to! We are under the covering of the Lord Jesus Christ Who died for Chris’s healing today! After everything we’ve been through, now you’re trying to take my husband from me?! I do NOT think so!!” And I just began declaring what was “True”, what was “Right”, what was “Pure” and “Lovely”. It was as if all of the training I had already been through, led me to this moment and God (while standing behind me and going before me) allowed me to exercise my warrior abilities, so that I could see for myself that I was the soldier He had called me to be. I immediately felt the evil spirits flee. I could sense their fear of me activating my authority as Jesus’ heir. I remember Priscilla Shirer once saying “Wouldn’t it be a shame if the enemy knew our potential, but we didn’t?” I never want that to be the case. Of course, it all wasn’t just for that one moment, nor was this my first experience in spiritual warfare, but the fact that over the last two years or so while in the midst of heartbreak and fear, God gave me the strength to worship, the endurance to fight, the energy to intercede and the remembrance that I was not fighting in my own strength has been empowering like no other. I feel ready to step into a new season.
After that night, I felt like a new person. The very next morning I laid hands on Chris at the hospital and prayed from this place of revelation, strengthened faith and confidence and that very night, we got our first positive report! I felt the Lord say for us to believe for a quick healing…none of this “months and months” business. And I am happy to say that it only took him 2-3 months (from the day he was admitted) for his liver to completely regenerate….and to top it off, he found a job a month after leaving the hospital! You see, we walk through situations that make us feel like we are defeated. The enemy even thinks he has defeated us, when in fact God has us and them right where He wants us. We, His children, being set up to prevail and the enemy to receive their Holy sentencing from the One in charge. He is creating room for Himself to show Himself, to prove Himself so we can bear witness. In Isaiah 43, God says that we are His witnesses and that He has chosen us so that we may “believe and understand” that He is the Great I Am, the One and Only, the Healer of our Hearts. With every trial, we have the opportunity to either give in to fear and worry or to allow His grace to cover us so that we can persevere. When we face adversity, we can either find ourselves bracing for impact, or choosing to embrace the grace that He has given us. If we choose grace, we have the unique opportunity to be first-hand witnesses to His glory. If you are facing adversity today, whether it be a bad medical report, financial turmoil or another difficult loss or broken heart, speak out. Declare the Word of God over that situation. Every circumstance, every piece of brokenness must yield to His Word. God wants us to not only “hide His Word in our heart so that we may not sin against Him” (Psalm 119) but so that His Words can be released as daggers into the heart of the enemy’s lies. Be ready for Him to mold you, be ready for Him to break you so that He can multiply what He does through you to reach others. We are a generation that must rise up as warriors so that we can love like no other, extend grace like no other, have faith like no other, see miracles like no other and push back the forces of darkness by advancing His Kingdom like no other. But it starts with our personal journey, so that we can bear witness and personally testify. Be bold, be strong and courageous (Josh.1:9), do not be afraid, because last I checked our Commander and Chief has the upper hand and has given you one word “victory”.
Written by Kyndl Bickers